How To Save A Life
by FeelsLikeConfettiFalling
Summary: "I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life."
1. Step 1: We Need To Talk

The day I started my new high school, I didn't think anything special would happen. I had lived in southern Minnesota my entire life, but when my mother decided it was time for us to start a new life, me, her, and my little sister Katie were hauled up to the north. But before I get into my real story, let me tell you a few little things about my life. One thing I have to say about where we moved that I didn't like was that it was cold, very cold, every day. I dreaded where we were moving to, but when my mom pointed out it would be better for hockey, the idea didn't seem so bad anymore.

I love hockey, I always have and still do. I started playing when I was 3 with those little plastic toy sets you buy for your kids at Toys R Us. As I got older, I got more into the sport, and when I reached elementary school, my principal saw my skills and decided to start a team for the younger grades. I got our team to first every single year.

But sadly, when I was about halfway through my 8th grade year, my mom announced we'd be moving further up north. Her and my dad divorced when Katie was about 2, and I guess she felt the need to start a better life for us both. Katie didn't want to leave any of her friends behind, and she cried and protested against the idea. Me, I kinda felt the same way she did. How could I leave my hockey team when I was going to enter high school? They had already accepted me on varsity for the high school team when I was in 7th grade for crying out loud. But, my mom pointed out that the principal of the new school I'd be attending saw videos of me playing on my school's website and already I was accepted onto the team, and they hadn't even met me. Even though I was still wary of going, me, my mom and little sister moved up to northern Minnesota where we were destined to live the rest of our lives.

My name is Kendall Knight, and this is where my story really begins.

So like I said, after my mom and dad split up, my mother became upset and almost just downright depressed. We were the only things who really kept her happy. She didn't date much after that, and after a few years she decided to move us. So, we finally got settled into our new home, and Katie immediatly forgot about leaving her friends behind because our new house was better than our old one, and she got to pick her own room. Me? I didn't care at all, I still somewhat detested the move. I didn't make friends quite too well, and it was hard enough to befriend kids at my old school. Now that I was starting a new school, especially starting high school for the first time, this was going to be more difficult than ever. So our first day, of course my mother had to get out her camera and take loads of pictures. My school was in walking distance from our house, so after the bus came to pick up Katie, my mom gave me a great big hug and kissed my forehead.

"Have fun on your first day of school. sweetheart." She said, rubbing my shoulder. I groaned and rolled my eyes.

"Mom, I'm 14, not 4." I said. My mom smiled and shook her head. She kissed me one last time before letting me go.

"Have fun, sweetie." She said as I started walking away. "You'll have a good day, and you'll meet some new friends, I know you will."

My bookbag slung across my shoulder, I hauled myself to my new school, dreading each step I took. Each block I crossed took me closer and closer to Hell. I didn't know why I was dreading it so much, maybe it was the fact that I truly wasn't good at making new friends, or perhaps it was because back home, I was the star of the hockey team, everyone knew me, everyone liked me. Here, I was new, and here I would be nothing.

When I finally reached the building, I stood outside for several minutes watching all the happy students walking in together as if they had known each other for years. I swallowed hard and nervously took a step forward, my legs shaking with each step. I had never been as nervous as I was then before, and I was never nervous, so it struck me as strange, the way I was behaving.

When I finally reached the inside, the first thing I saw was the large eagle tiled into the floor beneath my feet. "Northwood High Eagles" was below it, and judging by the large number of sports memorabilia and trophies that lined the wall, I concluded they were a very sports-enthused high school. I sighed and made my way to locker 317.

At that moment, I just didn't care. I didn't want to be there, I had no idea how to make friends, and I just wanted to go back home, where everyone knew me and I could just be myself. Here, I was new along with over a hundred other freshman, and although over half of them probably knew each other, I was completely alone.

I passed a few people on the way, every one of them looking at me like I was some sort of foreign object, but shrugged them off as I headed for my locker. I guess I musn't have been looking where I was going, because as soon as I rounded the corner of the hallway I bumped into two boys and we all got knocked to the floor.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" The one said, grabbing his head. He flipped his dark brown hair aside and watched as I picked myself up from the floor. "You could've damaged my face." He made uneccessary gestures around his head, showcasing himself, and I rolled my eyes at him and stood up.

"Sorry, I just have no idea where I'm going in this stupid place." I replied, slinging my bookbag back over my shoulder. This kid's friend stood up and crossed his arms.

"Haven't seen you before." He said. He straightened the hockey helmet on his head and smirked. "Hockey helmet." He said. "James doesn't understand why I wear it, but I think it's great."

"What's your name, anyway?" The other kid, apparently James, asked me. I looked at them strangely before replying.

"Kendall Knight." I said. "Just moved here from southern Minnesota. Have no idea where the hell I'm at or what I'm doing."

The two of them looked at each other, then back at me. "Carlos Garcia." The younger Latino said, stretching his hand out towards me.

"Diamond." James said, following Carlos' gesture. "James Diamond." I nodded and pulled my bookbag closer to me. Friends, making new friends, this was the difficult part. But a few seconds before that moment I wasn't sure if they were actually friends or enemies.

"So where exactly are you heading towards? Just sort of wandering aimlessly?" James asked, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"I'm locker 317." I replied. "But I honestly have no idea where that is. I've barely been in this town a few days and am completely lost. Ugh, I told my mom I didn't want us to move, but she insisted."

James and Carlos grinned and pointed to the other end of the hallway. "Well, you're going completely in the wrong direction, 317 is on the other side of the building, by our lockers. Come on, we'll show you the way."

So I followed them as they directed me in the right direction. We started talking, and as it turned out, they weren't so bad after all. I found out they were also freshman, but they've lived there their entire lives. They also lived within walking distance of the school, a lot of the kids did, and that we shared quite a few of the same interests, but one most important of them all.

"So, you guys play hockey?" I asked, gesturing towards Carlos' helmet. They both grinned at each other and nodded.

"Since we were little." Carlos replied. "I've been wearing a helmet all the time since we were little." He slapped his prized possession and James grinned and rolled his eyes.

"Yep, we're only freshman, but we're gonna try out for varsity, see if we've got a shot at it. Why, do you play?"

"I was already accepted on varsity before I even moved here." I felt the need to say it, and as soon as I did, they both stopped and stared at me.

"No way, you're lying. Impossible." James said. I shrugged and kept walking.

"The principal or something saw me playing on my old school's website and wanted me on the team. I was the reason my old school started a team for middle schoolers."

"Dude, you're automatically much cooler than we thought you were." Carlos said, grinning. I smiled and got an uplifting feeling. Maybe I would be able to make and keep friends, after all.

"Here's your locker, bro." James said, slapping the bright, red metal. "Ours are just over there." He gestured over his shoulder and leaned against the locker. A group of girls passed us, smiling and giggling as they walked past James. He grinned and nodded at them, a few of them squealing as they walked away, sneaking peeks at him over their shoulders. James turned to us and shrugged. "What can I say?" He said. "I have a sort of, gift, as you can say."

Carlos shook his head. "Don't mind him." He said to me. "He's an arrogant asshole." James slapped him and he started laughing, and I couldn't help but join in. I had no idea how I did it, but apparently I had just made two new friends, and I didn't feel so lonely after all.

But, while I was all caught up talking to them, I spotted someone walking across the hall. Dressed all in black with a hood pulled over his head, he walked with his face to the floor and his hands stuck in his pockets, people pointing and whispering at him as he passed them. I couldn't help but stare in curiosity at them.

James and Carlos must have caught my glance because they both turned to stare at this mysterious boy. But as soon as they saw him, they turned back around to face me, as if he was nothing important at all.

"Don't mind that one." James said, motioning towards the stranger. "That's just Logan Mitchell, he's always been weird like that."

"He doesn't talk to anyone, it's scary almost." Carlos said, he watched as Logan passed the three of us. I caught a glimpse of the boy's eyes as he walked past, the dark brown orbs, cloudy and full of sadness, it seemed, peeked out at me barely before he rushed away from everyone, avoiding any and all human contact. I watched him as he left, an odd feeling inside of me. Something told me he wasn't just 'nothing'.

"He's been in our class for years but never talks to anyone. He just sits there by himself, his head down low, not saying a word." Carlos continued.

"Yeah, nobody knows a thing about him." James said. "All we know is that he's really good at school, always gets A's and stuff on tests and projects. I worked with him once when we were partnered up for a science project. He barely talked, just said a couple of words here and there, but man, did we ace that damn project. He's wicked smart, that's all anyone knows."

I turned and faced the direction where Logan left. Something about his demeanur, something about the way he seemed to act, I didn't know, it just gave me a weird feeling. But I shook it aside as the bell for first period rung and slammed my locker shut.

"There's the bell." James said. "Come on, follow us. You're in first period English with us, right?"

We continued to talk, them telling me all about the school and the people in it, letting me know about hockey practice and how stupid a bunch of people acted, and all kinds of other stuff. We didn't even know each other for an hour and they already acted as if we were friends for years, which I kind of appreciated. As we made our way into our first class, I noticed Logan sitting in the back of the room, slumped back in his chair, hood still pulled down over his face, everyone in the room avoiding him as they laughed and joked with each other as if he wasn't even there. Me, Carlos and James sat down and they kept going off on random tangents, but my eyes kept drifting back to Logan's lone figure, my mind continually drifting into wondering what this lonely person was all about.

A girl walked into the room and sat a few desks away from us, which completely threw James and Carlos off and they began whispering about her, arguing over which one was going to talk to her first. I felt this was my chance to try and talk to this Logan kid, so I stood up and made my way to the back of the room.

"Hey." I said, approaching him. His dark, lonely eyes traveled up to my face and he gave me sort of a weird look, like he never talked to or seen another human before.

"I, um, I'm Kendall." I said, extending my hand towards him. When he failed to exchange handshakes, I put my hand back at my side. "I'm new here, and I just, uh, wanted to say hi, cause I noticed you were sitting all by yourself."

God I was an idiot, but hey, I wasn't good at talking to people. I had a 'be myself' sort of strategy which sometimes worked, but sometimes didn't, so I just decided to give it a try and see where it went.

The lone person grunted and shifted in his seat, uttering an almost inaudible "Hey." I nodded and patted his shoulder, smiling, but he shriveled away from me as if he was allergic to human touch.

"You're welcome to sit with us if you want." I said, but he gently shook his head no and continued to stare at his feet, avoiding eye contact with me.

I began walking back to my seat when I turned around and said one more thing to him. "You're still welcome if you feel like it. It was nice to meet you, Logan."

As I sat back down, the teacher walked in and my first day of class started. I looked back at Logan a few more times, and he seemed to be watching me, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't muster up the courage to open his mouth.

My first day of classes wasn't so bad after all. I wanted to not be there just a little bit less, but all throughout first period my eyes kept wandering back to the dark figure in the back. Why Logan was so dark and brooding, I had no idea, I just wanted to know more about him.

So when the bell rang for second period, I immediatly got up and spun around to speak to him, but he was already out the door. I shrugged and turned to the guys. "He's fast, I'll admit that." I commented, but they were totally distracted by this girl they looked at all class. I grinned, rolled my eyes, and dismissed the whole thing.

My day went pretty good. James and Carlos turned out to be really cool guys, and the more classes we had together the more we talked, and the more I began to like my new school. I got to talk to some other people, too, and the more people I met the more I questioned why I didn't want to leave my old school at all.


	2. Step 2: Listen

**Hey guys! I hope you like this. I been going through some stuff so it's been hard for me to write lately, but I'm getting more done and I'm actually very proud with how this chapter turned out-better than I expected, at least, haha. Anyway, enjoy :) 3-Alyssa**

When I came home from school that day, I braced myself, for I knew my mom ws going to bombard me with a million questions. So as soon as she heard that front door slam shut as I entered the house, she immediately raced into the living room to greet me with a tight, warm hug and a memorized prepared list of questions.

"Welcome home, honey." She said, a grin spreading across her face. I rolled my eyes, for that was such a mom thing to do, as she continued. "How was your first day of high school? Did you get lost? Did you make any new friends? How are your classes? How are your teachers? Were the kids nice to you? Were they mean to you? Did you talk? DId you eat well?" I dropped my bookbag to the floor and kicked it aside and pushed the hair out of my face. "I made you some snacks, come into the kitchen. Katie still isn't home yet, her bus must be late. I hope she's ok." Mom continuely checked outside the window, worried about my little sister. "She's only 8 years old, maybe I should've picked her up today."

"She'll be fine, mom." I replied, sitting down at the table and grabbing a sandwich. I picked at the edges, not taking a bite just yet. Mom just watched me, a concerned look in her eyes, and leaned against the table.

"What's bothering you, Kendall? Didn't you have a good day at school? Tell me all about it, honey."

I set my snack down and looked at her. Truthfully, my day wasn't that bad at all. I mean, it started out like shit, but a little bit into the morning, it was great. I just couldn't get the image of that mysterious Logan kid out of my head.

"It was good. I made some friends."

The sound of the word "friends" just sent my mom's eyes up in sparkles. She grinned wildly and set down the dishes in her hands just to listen. "Friends? Really? Tell me about them, what are there names? Any girls?" She gave me a sly smile and I tried hiding a smile as I shook my head.

"No, I didn't meet any girls, mom. It's just the first day. But I hung out with these two kids all day, James and Carlos." I managed to take a few bites out of my sandwich. "They're pretty cool. And they play hockey, too. They're trying to get on varsity. They basically freaked out when I told them I was already on it."

"That's wonderful, honey." She exclaimed. She walked over to pull and pulled me close to her to kiss my forehead. "I'm glad you had such a good day."

I debated if I should've told her about the other person I had met that day, but it came out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about it anymore. "There was also this other kid, Logan, but he doesn't talk at all. Nobody talks to him, either. He just sits there, all quiet and stuff. I tried talking to him a little bit, but he didn't have much to say."

"He's probably just shy, that's all. Some people just have a hard time starting a conversation. Maybe he's going through a rough time, you never know. Try talking to him again tomorrow, maybe he'll like that."

I was about to say something else, but the front door flung open and laughter filled the living room as Katie and another unseen person entered the house. "I'm home, mom!" She called cheerfully. Mom kissed my forehead before excusing herself to go say hello to my little sister. I peeked into the living room and saw Katie and another little girl chase each other around the room, mom walking up to this girl's mother who followed them into the house. They exchanged handshakes and talked for a little bit, the mother explaining that Katie had missed the bus and she offered to take her home and she hoped my mom wouldn't mind and this and that. Realizing that my mom would not be returning to me in the kitchen, I put my plate in the dishwasher and went upstairs to my room, lying down on my bed and putting my headphones in, drowning out in music as I just stared at my ceiling.

I couldn't stop thinking about my day, about James, about Carlos, but especially about Logan. I just pictured him, people pushing past him like he wasn't even there, and thought about what my mom had said. I tried talking to him, but he pushed me away, basically. But another shot wouldn't hurt, right? I mean, it was only the first day. And who knew, maybe he was going through some stuff. I didn't like to see people go through bad stuff like that, I mean, I really didn't know what the whole depression thing really was, but I knew I could be a good friend, so I went to bed that night thinking about what the next day would bring.

I walked down the street that morning not knowing what the second day would bring me. The first day was always the easiest, but as time went on, it always got harder. We'd start getting into actual lessons and stuff, and that was something I was definitely not looking forward to. Was senioritis possible on your second day of freshman year?

"Hey! Kendall!" I was distracted by two voices shouting behind me. I turned to see James and Carlos chasing after me, nearly tripping onto the cement as they tried to catch up with me. "Hey, wait up. I didn't realize you lived so close! Let's walk the rest of the way together." Carlos said. Again, he bore the same hockey helmet upon his head as yesterday, and I grinned and shook my head, laughing slightly.

"He's fast, but I still think I'm faster. No, wait, I know I'm faster than him. He just got a head start." James said, fixing his hair. "Damn wind ruined my hair, Carlos."

"You're so vain." Carlos laughed. "And I beat you and you know it." James smacked him and I laughed as the two got into it. The second day hadn't even started yet, and I already felt like I fit in. I actually had some friends, and just the mere thought of that was great. I walked with the two of them the rest of the way to the school, the rush of warm air smacking me in the face as I pushed open the doors to the school. The other guys must've noticed my reaction and laughed.

"Forgot you came from the southern part of Minesota, buddy. Not used to the extreme cold, yet?" James asked as we made our way to our lockers.

"Not in the slightest." I laughed. As we neared our lockers, I noticed a dark figure kneeling down on the ground at the far end of the hallway. As I looked closer, I recognized it as that Logan kid, same dark hoodie wrapped around his body as the day before. Seeing Carlos and James distracted by a group of girls that had came around the corner, I thought that was my big chance to break the ice with this kid again. I took a deep breath as I approached him.

"Hey." I said, coming up behind him. He jumped and turned around extremely fast, his back slamming against the lockers as he fell onto the floor, his eyes wide with fear as I surprised him and his stuff scattered across the hallway. I took a step back to give the kid some space, but it was at that moment that I noticed this kids eyes. Behind the surprise and panic, I noticed a dull, void space, as if something lifeless lied behind his irises. "Woah, chill dude, I just said hey. Didn't mean to startle you."

He didn't say anything, but the panic slowly drained from his face and he went back to a sulking sadness. He got on his knees and began to gather his things, but I quickly bent down and helped him pick everything up, putting everything back into his bookbag for him. He gave an almost inaudible "Thanks" as we finished. He slung the bookbag over his shoulder and we both stood up. He kind of sulked back as we stood there, unknowing of what to say. He took a step or two back, like he wanted to run away from me. At that moment, I figured whatever that kid had experienced couldn't have been all too pleasant. I tried to think of something to say, something cool, and something nice, but I could've kicked myself for how stupid I actually sounded.

"So, uh, what's up? Logan, right?" I said, sticking my hands in my pockets. He just sort of stodd there nervously, almost shaking, and gripped his bookbag even tighter. "Just thought I'd stop over and say hey."

"Oh. Hey." He replied, his voice low. He looked down at his feet, avoiding any eye contact that was possible. He nervously bit his lip, and I noticed his fingers were trembling. I silently told myself not to look like an idiot-or to somehow scare the poor kid.

"Out of my way, fucking asshole." Some kid said, shoving past Logan until he hit the lockers. The kid and his friends all laughed as they walked away, but Logan merely straightened his bookbag and kept away from me, seeimingly unmoved by the experience, but it looked as thought, deep down, it hurt. And I felt bad.

"Come with me." I said, motioning over my shoulder and turning around.

"Where?" He asked, louder this time, actually taking a step forward. I turned to look at him, making eye contact with him for the first time. I noticed his eyes were a chocolate brown, and from what I could see from under his hoodie, it matched the shade of the hair on his head.

"Just follow me, we can go to class together." I replied. I noticed he took another step back and shook his head.

"Um, no thanks, I, uh, I got stuff to do." He said. He started to turn away, but I reached out and grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Noticing that he flinched as I touched him, I pulled my hand back and stuck it back in my pocket.

"I have a feeling you're lying, Logan. Come on, let's talk." Comletely abandoning James and Carlos, (who had deserted me anyways for some girls), I took Logan down to our first period early, so I could get a chance to talk to him. He seemed to walk slowly and unsteady, like he didn't want to be there, and almost as if he was about to make a run for it.

"This really isn't neccesary, uh, um,"

"Kendall." I said, coming to an abrupt stop and whirling around to face him. I stuck my hand out for him to shake it. His grip was loose and quick. "My name's Kendall, in case you forgot. Now come on, bud."

As soon as I said that, he seemed unsure of my words, as if no one had ever been kind to him before. But I thought nothing of it as we entered the classroom, which was totally empty except for the two of us. This seemed to put him at ease. He sat down at his usual seat in the back of the classroom and I pulled up a desk next to him, turning to face him head on. He nervously clutched the bookbag on his desk as he looked around the room, shaking.

"So, where you from?" I asked. An icebreaker I knew always worked. "You lived here all your life? Whatcha do for fun, Logan?" I realized that that was the very first time I had ever sat down and actually talked with the kid, or had an actual serious conversation with anyone in that school, for that matter. James and Carlos, we didn't really know too much about each other, and we never sat down privately and had a conversation. I mean, it was only the second day of school, so I shouldn't have expected something like that to take place, but it felt somewhat different to actually be sitting down face to face with another human being from a strange town in a new place for me. Even if he was barely speaking a word.

"I lived here all my life." He said, his voice still almost inaudible. He looked over his shoulders, as if checking to see if anyone was going to gang up on him or something.

"Relax, dude, it's real early, no one's here but us." I tried to sound as chill as I possibly could, because clearly, he had some sort of issue with dealing with people. "No need to e afraid of people."

The look in his eyes told me otherwise, and no other words needed to be said on that subject. "So, uh, anything cool to do around here? What's the school like? I just moved here, so it's all different to me."

"Nothing really." He replied, his voice still low. "Football is usually the big thing in a majority of the states for high school sports, but here, hockey is the highest ranked sport, and our area is in one of the top percentages in the state." He seemed to somewhat flinch as he said that, like I was going to hit him or something. But when he saw me, unmoving, he leaned forward again and raised an eyebrow, trying to play it off as if that had never happened.

"Why you so scared, bro? I'm not gonna like, hit you or anything." I said, chuckling a little bit. He bit his lip and looked at the desk.

"People hate when I talk like I'm smart. You probably don't get what it's like to be made fun of for having some sort of intelligence, you seem to have yourself all together. People don't value knowledge around here. It's all sports and who knows who. If you're not cool, no one really likes you. That's what you gotta know about this school, Kendall. They hate smart people."

"Well, I don't." I replied, folding my arms on the table. "That's pretty cool. I didn't know that."

The look in his eyes was something I will never forget. Behind the dull, sad expression, I thought I noticed a gleam of hope. Was that a smile? "Look, Kendall," His voice was rising in tone, "If you're just going to mess with me in the end, there's really no point in talking to me. So if you're just going to make fun of me and beat me up like the others, or if you got some jocks hiding under desks or some shit somewhere, just get it over with now. I'm not being led on. Again."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, slightly confused. Logan actually seemed a little angry; it was the most emotion I had seem from him since that very first moent yesterday that I first saw him. "Dude, I'm not like that. Look, I'm alone. I come in peace. Unarmed, no hidden cameras or whatever, you wanna frisk me? Go ahead." I stood up and held my arms out to my sides, turning around in a circle for him to get a good look at me. And I got the reaction I was hoping for-I swear, to this day, I heard a small laugh. I grinned and sat back down, throwing my bookbag on the floor so he could get a good look at me. "No bombs, pepper spray, weapons, drugs, alcohol, I'mma good kid, Logan."

Another smile, although I knew he was trying to hide it. He still looked unsure of himself, though, and still looked around for anyone who could possibly be hiding somewhere. "And don't look all nervous, we still got like 10 minutes before class starts."

"I'm not nervous." He scooted his chair in and tapped his fingers against the cloth of his book bag. "Just...looking."

"This is the most words I've ever heard you speak." I said, smiling. "You are always just so...quiet. Everyone I talked to said you were quiet and different."

His heart seemed to sink right then and there. "I know people talk about me. They always do." He nervously pulled on his sleeves, yanking them as far over his palms as he possibly could. "I'm different, ok? So fucking what." He gritted his teeth and angrily slammed his fist against the desk. "So what if I'm different? Why the fuck can't they just leave me alone!?"

After a few moments, he seemed to realize the little outburst he had and slunk back into his chair, avoiding eye contact again. "Sorry. Just forget about that. Look, can we be done here? I just want to be left alone right now."

"Do people pick on you,. Logan? If so, I can take em. I'll just beat em with my hockey stick." I kicked my feet up on the desk and leaned back, closing my eyes and smiling. "I am good like that, you know."

I couldn't tell if the chuckle he uttered was real or fake. "I'm good." He replied, his voice returning to the same low volume as before. "And I know you can. I recognize you."

I sat up and leaned forward, intrigued. "Wait, how do you recognize me? From where?"

"You're that new kid they accepted onto varsity. A lot of the kids in school are talking about it. The seniors on varsity are pretty pissed that a freshman got onto varsity and didn't even try out." He smirked.

I grinned and shrugged my shoulders. "Hey, guess I'm just that good. They can take their attitude and shove it, I guess, if they don't like it." He smiled, he actually smiled, and in that moment, there was no awkward tension, no checking to see if any hidden entities were present, just the two of us, like we were best friends, talking. I noticed he seemed somewhat happy, even if it was just a slight bit.

"So, do you play hockey? You seem to know a lot about it, and you're pretty fast. You'd make a good player.

He laughed and shook his head. "Me? Play hockey? Ha. Never. I just observe. I don't even go to the hockey games here. I mean, I catch a practice from time to time on my way home from school, but I'm not really into that. I don't do much."

"You gotta make a name for yourself, Logan. It's high school. Gotta make your image. It's a chance to start a whole new life."

It was then that al jokingness was set aside and his expression turned stone cold, like he had been since I first saw him yesterday; only this time, completely serious and leaning in as if to tell me a secret.

"That's not possible, Kendall." He said, his voice seeming to shake as he tried to maintain a serious disposition. "A new life for me isn't possible." After he said that, other students started coming into the classroom, laughing and joking with each other, and LOgan sunk back into his chair, staring at the floor, refusing to say another word for the remainder of the period.


	3. Step 3: Breathe

"Hey, Kendall, wanna come play hockey after school with us today?" A voice broke through my distant gaze and I snapped out of it, turning towards the voices that spoke to me. "Just gonna practice a bit before varsity tryouts. You wanna come?"

"Oh, hey guys. Um, sure, I'll join." I said. James and Carlos grinned as they sat down next to me at the lunch table. I kept thinking about what Logan said to me earlier, about how he opened up so much and then how he just shut down. What could possibly be making him do that? Why was he feeling the way he was, if he was really feeling any different at all? It was weird, I never really talked to anyone like that before. I mean, I had always been outgoing and sociable, I've never been an introvert before.

"What's bothering you, huh?" James asked, flipping his hair to the side. "You been different all day today, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing really." I said, picking at my food. "It's just, well, I talked to Logan today."

"Oh." James and Carlos said in unison. They looked at each other with troubled glances and bit their lips. I raised an eyebrow at them.

"What're the looks for? You know you guys need to be more accepting to people. Just because they don't talk or whatever doesn't mean they're weird."

"It's just..." Carlos said. He looked in the back of the cafeteria where the shy boy was sitting, all alone. He turned back towards us and sighed. "I don't know, I'm just not used to someone acting like that. Like, how do you treat someone who doesn't want to be talked to? If they don't wanna be bothered, why talk to them, right?"

"I dunno, guys." I said, sighing. "It just doesn't feel right deserting someone like that."

"What did he say to you today? I mean, he never talks to anyone, I don't know if I've ever heard him say one thing to anyone before." James said. I shrugged.

"Nothing, really. I just sort of pulled him aside and talked to him for a bit. Just asked him how he was doing and all that. He didn't say much, though."

"Whatever. Anyways, about this hockey thing after school..." And Carlos went on and on and on about the hockey practice they were gonna have after school, and I only half listened in on the conversation. My mind was elsewhere, and honestly, to this day I have no idea what I was thinking about. It all just seemed like white noise.

But the feeling didn't last long, for after school I happily joined them to play some hockey. There were a few other kids there as well, and I felt a little weird when I walked up to everyone and James and Carlos ran over to me exclaiming on how great I was.

"Please tell me you guys have seen Kendall play before!" Carlos said. "I mean, he was the best at his old school. He's already on varsity, but we asked him to play anyway."

A few of the kids had seen me play before, and I felt a little embarrassed, but also somewhat flattered. It was finally my time to show a bunch of new people what I could do, and finally my time to fit in. My mom was ecstatic when I called her and told her that I was staying after school, going on and on about how it was wonderful that I was making new friends. And when I started, everyone was thrilled. I didn't miss a single shot, and I was so fast no one could catch up with me, except James and Carlos were pretty close. I was greatly impressed with them, and caught up with them during break to talk to them.

"Damn, guys." I said, smiling as I wiped the sweat off my forehead, which surprised me for it being so cold. "You did awesome, I'm working up a sweat over here, playing against you guys."

"Nice to finally see Mr. Knight in action." James said, grinning as he lifted his hockey mask. "Pretty impressive if you ask me."

"Thanks, guys. Kinda hard to fit in in a new town and all." I said, leaning against my hockey stick. "I mean, I didn't think it would be that easy for me to meet new people."

"Are you kidding?" Carlos asked. "You're like, legendary now, and it's only the second day of school. And I think you caught the attention of the girls field hockey team in the other field, if you ask me."

I looked over and noticed the girls stopping to watch us, waving across the field at our little group of guys. "Nah, you guys are the real catches, here." I said, winking at them. The laughed and smacked my shoulder. "Let's get back to playing."

As we headed back over to our own field, I just happened to turn back around notice someone sitting at the far end of the field, underneath one of the large trees, practically hidden within the shadows. "As I peered closer, I noticed the dark figure was Logan, and he was watching us intently, with some gleam of hope in his eyes, with a dash of desire and wanting for something I couldn't quite point out.

After practice, I gathered up my equipment and began to head home with everyone else. "You did great." James said. "I'm almost jealous."

"Thanks." I laughed, pushing the sweaty hair out of my face. "You guys are pretty great, too. I mean, I couldn't believe what I was seeing out there, I never saw anyone else that good. I'm impressed, and you guys will definitely make the varsity team for sure."

We all started walking away towards our own homes, but I stopped and looked towards the other end of the field and didn't see Logan anymore, and I debated as to whether I should turn around and look for him or follow everyone else. I bit my lip and tried to decide what to do. Was it really worth my time to try to talk to someone who couldn't be fixed? I sighed and deserted everyone else and headed towards the tree. As I neared it, I heard a faint, muffled crying. I was puzzled, until I peeked behind the tree and noticed Logan crying softly, his arms folded across his knees and his head hidden from sight. My heart sank a little bit and I dropped my stuff on the ground.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked, sticking my hands in my pockets. He jumped and swiftly spun around to face me, his eyes red and puffy from the tears but also wide with panic. He jumped up anmd swiftly yanked his bookbag up off the ground and attempted to run away, but I raced up to him and yanked him back by his shirt collar. He tried to fight me, but I held firm and spun him around to face me, throwing his bookbag onto the ground.

"Hey, I said what's wrong? Why are you cryong, bro?" I asked. He scowled at me and gritted his teeth, tears still visible on his cheek.

"I'm. Not. Your. Bro." He growled through his teeth. "Don't talk to me. Let me go, leave me alone, it's none of your damn business!"

"Logan, when you're crying underneath a tree, something's gotta be up. Now talk." I said.

He yanked himself away from my grip and rolled his eyes at me, slamming his body down underneath the tree and covering his face with his hands. "Listen , you don't get it, ok? I wanted to watch you play, so I sat here. But I just got a lot going on, too much on my mind, I just wanted to hide myself, ok? That's it."

"Why didn't you come over with us? We would've let you play."

"Yeah, YOU would've let me play, THEY would not have." He turned from me and looked off into the distance, closing his eyes and leaning against the tree. He sighed and shook his head. "Look at me. I sound like a child. But honestly, I don't really care. Just got too much on my mind right now to be thinking about too many things at once. Just all got to me, I guess."

"Look, if it has something to do with you being picked on or whatever, you need to tell someone about it. It's not good to just sit there and do nothing about it, man. If it's bothering you, do something."

"You don't get it, do you?" He said, turning to look at me. He looked extremely pissed off, and I was quite surprised at the reaction he was giving. "Unless you've been through what I've been through, I don't want to hear about getting over it and moving on and shit."

"Let's talk for a bit, huh?" I said, sitting down next to him. I held up my hands before he could say anything. "Like I said earlier, you can frisk me and stuff, I'm not armed or anything."

"Why do you always wanna talk to me, huh?" He asked, avoiding eye contact with me. He picked a few blades of grass out of the ground and let it flow in the cold Minnesota air. "Why, all of a sudden, do you come along and want to interact with me? Every single other person in this school hates me and avoids me, why do you wanna make a huge difference all of a sudden? What's the matter with you, what exactly do you want from me?"

"Listen, not everyone is a bad person, ok? You just gotta give some people a chance, open up a little more, talk. That's what I do. I put myself out there, and look at me now, I'm on the varsity high school team, and got accepted before I even got here. I think some days you just need to sit back and breathe for a bit, and just take some time to let out your feelings in a positive direction."

He sighed and shook his head. "You just don't get it, do you?" He asked. He looked at me for the first time since I had arrived and I noticed the dull and sadness locked away within him. "You've never felt like I do before, you don't understand what depression is."

"What?" I asked, leaning towards him. He became dead silent and just stared straight forward, looking as if he immediately regretted wht he just said. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing, forget it." He said, stading up. He slung his bookbag over his shoulder and sighed. "Just forget it."

"Listen, Logan," I said, standing up and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, I understand something rough is going on in your life right now, and I dunno what it is or how to handle it, but just do what I do whenever something is upsetting you. Breathe. Sit down, someplace all quiet, close your eyes, and just breathe. Relax, listen to some music, sing a song, do whatever you like to do. Just breathe and relax and everything will be ok, I promise."

He smiled at me, and I couldn't tell if it was real or fake, but at the time, it was good enough for me. I noticed him nervously pulling his sleeves down over his palms again, but I dismissed it as something he did when he was nervous and patted him on the back. "Thanks Kendall. I really should be going home now, though. Promised my mom I'd be back."

"Same here." I started to turn away, but then stopped and watched him walk away, slowly with his bookbag sulking over his shoulder. He kept pulling on his sleeves, the movement of his shoulders making him look as if he was hyperventilating. But I dismissed it as nothing and turned and walked away towards my own home, too much on my mind to even process anything else. My mind was going a million miles a minute, and it wasn't too fun at all. Just too much.


End file.
